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The Top Ten Things to Do While You Are High

Nine times out of ten, after I smoke back a joint, I am perfectly content to sit and contemplate the finer points of life. This approach is most definitely not for everyone. A lot of folks find looking into the existential abyss to be useless, often times uncomfortable: “What the hell do you mean? Sit and think about shit? You’re not right.”

With the other 99% of you all in mind then, I present in no particular order, the top ten things to do while you are high.

On the beach while high

 

  1. Go to the Beach

Not all of us have this option, which is unfortunate. To all of you stuck in the middle of the Mojave, keep struggling man. For the rest of us, the beach can be one of the best places to be while high. The salt, the sun, the sand and the surf are all heightened by a little reefer. Too warm? Hop on in and cool off.

 

 

High on a mountain top.

  1. Go for a hike

Once, after a self-indulgent speech on the glories of being high, a man told me to take a hike, literally! According to him, there was no high compared to the one you get from reaching the top of a mountain. I beg to differ, suggesting there is no high compared to the high you get from smoking a joint after reaching the top of a mountain.

 

 

Yoga while high.

 

  1. Exercise

Insanity, right? Not so. Exercising while high can be incredibly meditative. Your ability to focus is increased, and the natural endorphins released by the exercise really gel with the buzz from the cannabis. Your sets and workouts may even become longer and more fulfilling.  And when you’ve finished exercising? That feeling is damn near cathartic.

 

 

Playing music while high.

  1. Play an Instrument

It starts with a twang on a string, and before long you’re playing slap bass in a twelve piece funk band with shows all over the country. Though not for everyone, playing a musical instrument while high can be very rewarding. Marijuana allows many people to focus intensely on a single thing for long periods of time, which is exactly what is necessary to become proficient at playing an instrument, not to mention being incredibly badass.

 

 

 

Making art while stoned

  1. Create Some Art

Maybe covering wooden boards with acrylic paint hieroglyphics while listening to Bowie’s Diamond Dogs is your thing— or maybe it isn’t. Either way, getting high and making something has been a stalwart of the stoner’s repertoire since time immemorial. Even if it is just simple doodling, the mind expanding effects of the weed tend to lead to some fairly intricate and far out productions. If you set yourself free, it’ll take you anywhere. Not into creating from scratch? Adult coloring books are a thing these days, largely because they are wicked relaxing and fun. So grab some pencil crayons and go to town.

 

 

Chilling on Couch

  1. Chill and Watch Something

This is probably what you were thinking of getting up to anyway. The options these days are simply staggering. Binge watching your favorite shows, or even wading into an entirely new series has never been easier. One episode of The Wire can turn into an entire season even without weed. The added benefit of being totally blazed improves on the fun. If you are unsure of what to watch, this article will give you some pointers. Looking for something a bit more interactive? Try playing video games. But beware: the hand-eye coordination and concentration on a particular task can cause the day to slip past without you noticing a thing.

 

 

Watching a movie while stoned.

 

  1. Catch a movie

The ritual of going to the movie theater to see the latest Hollywood release has to offer has been a hallmark of the American lifestyle since forever. Getting high and doing the same thing — while enjoying the popcorn and candy more than usual — is fast becoming just as important. Surround sound, incredible visuals, 3D effects — all of these things are greatly enhanced by the properties of the reefer. It has even been known to make otherwise unwatchable films interesting and exciting.

 

 

Burgers are amazing while stoned.

  1. Munch Out

This is perhaps not the healthiest activity to partake in while high. That being said, for many it can be damn near irresistible, as if the marijuana has caused a fantastic transformation within the stomach. This transformation of stomach into ravenous black-hole-from-whence-there-is-no-escape essentially removes all limiters on how much is too much. But it makes visits to the local 7-11 a feast of sights and sounds that only those with an insatiable desire for food can appreciate.

 

 

Having sex while high.

 

  1. Have Sex

It is a fact that smoking marijuana leads to heightened sensation. It follows then that having sex while high off marijuana could potentially lead to the best sex ever. Though not quite so simple a correlation as that, I encourage any with an interest in figuring it out to indulge their libidos and get it on. Sex is an important part of a balanced and healthy life, and there is definitely no harm in smoking a joint with your significant other — or insignificant other, if that floats your boat — and giving into a round of the bump and grind. The sensation for many is out of this world.

 

 

Playing with pets while stoned.

 

  1. Play With Your Pets

These critters are entertaining to us even while we are sober. Add in some weed and throwing that stick for rover becomes more enthralling than the majority of things on this list. Our furry little friends have a unique connection with us, one that becomes more primal and real when we are high. The other benefit of smoking weed with your pet is that they can join you for many of the activities listed above. Well, okay, maybe not for the coitus… or the movie theater… and they probably aren’t too wonderful at playing musical instruments. But for everything else, have at it!

So there it is, the definitive list! You’re welcome.

Until next time, smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

2 Comments

  1. Marvin Fenstermaker says:

    Contemplate all the things you have not accomplished in life because you are a stoner and a loser. That’s good, though, because there is less competition for me when I look for a better paying job, or a higher paying job.

    • Morgan says:

      Marvin, I’ll venture out a stretch and surmise that you have never known the touch of a woman, the welcoming arms of friends and family, or the shocking epiphany that maybe everything you have become in your mind and in your life is just a great big joke and there’s no god to convince that you somehow haven’t been an asshole all this time. Just a guess.

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